One of the Cool Kids
Recently, I’ve become aware that some people see me as one of the “cool kids”—maybe even a little intimidating—because I (mostly) have my stuff together and I’m doing meaningful things in the world. Though I’ve been in a quieter, more introverted mode since last year, I still feel spiritually plugged into the universe, and to the communities of people and ideas I care about.
My first thought upon this realization is: wow. I’m one of the cool kids? Paging my teenage self, paging my twenty-something self from just a decade ago—I never imagined I’d arrive at this place. I never thought I’d be looked upon so fondly, or seen as someone worth admiring. I pause here, in appreciation of the personal growth I’ve walked through.
My next thought is this: everyone has their own magic. We don’t need to be the same to be lovable, to be included, to be likeable, or to be valuable. Lovableness is not a competition. There are so many people I admire—people with gifts or social capital I haven’t yet attained but would love to. I don’t feel cool all the time. Sometimes, it honestly catches me off guard when people seem taken with me (though I receive admiration as an honor and a gift).
Lately, I’ve been thinking of myself as an elder-in-training. I get to practice becoming the grounded, soul-centered, radiant old woman I hope to grow into, if life gives me enough years. I still carry grief. I still live with anxiety. I still have fears and insecurities, and a long history of not feeling good enough. But now I know I don’t have to believe those fears. And I feel compassion for others still working through the same struggles.
The truth is: I’m not cooler than you. We are all magical beings. And it’s also true that not everyone is meant to be everyone else’s favorite person. Some energies just harmonize better than others. That doesn’t make anyone wrong or bad—it’s part of the diversity of our species.
There are a few old acquaintances I used to envy deeply. I’d wonder, Why do they get to shine so brightly? Do I get any recognition like that? Why don’t I dazzle the way they do? That was back when I was still learning to trust my own magic. Now I know: their magic and mine are not in competition. I have my sparkle. They have theirs. We all get to shine here. We all get to be here, together, in this universe.
